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There is No End Game (Spoiler Alert)

Get ready for some serious end game spoilers, since there are about 20 minutes left in the school year and that is just enough time for a few major calamities.

First, brown bag lunches. There are 42 field trips between now and the end of May and you are going to have to send in a brown bag lunch to at least a few of them. No glass bottles, no reusable water bottles that you need her to bring home at the end. 100% disposable. The green new deal has exemptions for elementary school field trip lunches. Stock up on juice pouches. You may be hitting Wawa on the way to the 7:30 am drop off otherwise.

Next, volunteers. The teachers are ALL.DONE so they are going to be emailing out for volunteers for the end of year class party, yearbook distribution help, artwork and bulletin board removal. BYOS - that’s bring your own staple remover. Check your email diligently lest you miss an important detail like the drop off location for a field trip has changed, or worse - that the sign up genius has been out for days and you are stuck bringing cut-up fresh organic fruit and not the paper plates and napkins you were hoping to sign up for.

And then, school events. The Mother’s Day tea, the moving up slide show, honor society induction, class picnic, class picnic rain date, class picnic sign up genius, teacher gift. The details for all of these events are buried in various and sundry emails that you might think you can gloss over but then you will end up like my friend who naturally assumed the Mother’s Day Tea was the day before Mother’s Day weekend and not an entire week earlier and just didn’t show up, breaking her own heart far more than that of her super-compassionate first grader.

And then, and THEN, the backpacks will come home bursting with end of year folders and the yearbooks will be signed and you will have distributed gift cards and potted plants to the appropriate teachers with notes of thanks and

I mean, they will be done. Because summer is coming. And the end game for moms is that there is no end game.

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